The Perfect Cookie

I love chocolate chip cookies. Chips Ahoy. Chips Deluxe. The Jewel Brand cookies. However, my absolute favorites are oven-baked Pilsbury. I realize to those who are “real” bakers these cannot be considered “homemade” but for me it’s as close as I get. Like Goldie Locks and baby bear’s porridge, I like my cookies “just right.” This is no easy task, nor do my cookies always meet my high and rigorous standards. Sometimes, I take them out of the oven too late: burnt cookies. Take them out to early: mushy cookies. Take them out of the oven and leave them on the cookie tray too long and they will disappoint you every time. Cookies, like life, are unpredictable.

Because I am highly organized, I have most of my days planned out. I use multiple calendars. There’s the work calendar, the kids calendar, the family calendar, the “love” calendar (I realize how absolutely ridiculous that is to most). My calendar is color-coded and kindly sends me reminders 15 minutes prior to each event on all my electronic devices. When asked if I have time for _________________, my usual response is “let me check my calendar.” Not because I am trying to be elusive or mysterious, I simply have no idea what is going on from day to day. Because I have operationalized my daily processes to my electronic devices, sometimes I lose focus of the important moment RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

I practice this: stopping in the middle of my “important” work to talk to someone, listen to someone, smile at someone or hug someone. Sometimes these interruptions do not happen at the most convenient time and, like the burnt cookie, result in frustration and additional headaches. “If I would have just walked by…," I think to myself. But when we don’t take time to stop, the meaningful, unpredictable moments are missed because the perfectly organized calendar is ruling our life instead of us ruling it.

We miss out on the child who needed to be heard, the teacher who should have be recognized for her outstanding work, the laughter shared by stopping to visit with neighbors down the block, and the “hello” to a stranger that shockingly brightens both your days.

These small unscheduled acts are important: for the people in front of you who are worth your time, and for your own sense of self-worth. Most of the time, you will find yourself biting into a really enjoyable moment in life. Taking time for people will NEVER fail you.

So sit down, grab a tall glass of milk and enjoy your cookie with a friend. Whether it is “perfectly” cooked or not…it will still be sweet!

S+P=H

I have two children. One is strong-willed and obstinate, one easy and compliant. As individuals they couldn’t be more night and day. However, I often try to use the same parenting techniques and strategies with both. It doesn’t work. As an educator, I am well aware that different kids have different needs. In the classroom, I would gladly “differentiate” my instruction to try to meet the intellectual and interest needs of my students. As a parent, not so much.

I am taking a stats class this semester. It’s hard. We have tests and quizzes. For real, like “put away your books and take out a pencil.” This is very different from most of the other classes I have taken as a graduate student. Most education classes go something like this: read, discuss, write a research paper. Taking the time to process through a problem helps to pin-point exactly what needs to be addressed. It allows space to look at a problem from all the angles. This takes a REALLY long time for me when it comes to standard deviations, t-tests and z-scores. Usually these types of problems have one answer. There is only one way to solve the problem, skip a step and you’re screwed.
I like education and psychology classes because I can process the information on my own terms—in my own way. Because…wait for it…I like things on my terms. And so does my daughter.

I use this as a reminder that I don’t always have the right answer when it comes to parenting a child who needs choices. I have to trust that I can give plausible options that are within the confines of her abilities. I have to allow her options—that she comes up with ALL BY HERSELF . Furthermore, I need to allow her the space to try out those options in her own way. Usually when my frustration or stress level is high, I often resort to the “one size fits all” model of parenting. This works well with the “easy” kid because immediate compliance is the first resort, but the persistent child refused to be satisfied with the status-quo. When I am being open-minded, she is able to take responsibility for her own actions. She is happier. I am happier. The world is happier. Helping her channel her challenging mindset is a craft I am learning to navigate daily.

My learning outcome: Stats class doesn’t come easy and neither does parenting!

Extra Credit: What do the letters in the title represent?

Running Buddy

I ran a marathon once. People think this is such a big deal…and if you run marathons, I guess maybe it is a big deal. Because they are long, hard, and require great amounts of effort. The best piece of advice someone once gave me when training for the marathon was to find a running buddy. Because a running buddy will do for you what training schedules and new shoes can’t do: keep you honest. You may wake up and tell your training schedule that you are tired, but your running buddy won’t be as forgiving.

Over the years, I have had numerous “running buddies” in different situations. There have been graduate classes I would not have survived without the opportunity to grumble with a fellow student. As a mother of two young children, I needed “adult” time with another mom to preserve my sanity. When I was a classroom teacher, I co-taught. This means, two teachers together, in one classroom, ALL DAY LONG. For those of you who sit in a cubicle and ease-drop overhear every single detail of your co-workers life, you will know what I refer to: the good, the bad, and the UGLY. And if you are really a glutton for punishment, being married will elicit the same results.

Having another person to communicate with causes you to check yourself, process your thoughts, and listen to your gut. When we are in the presence of another, it can help us to think about what we say, how we act, and the attitudes we have. When we allow ourselves to be isolated, we sometimes forget how to balance who we are with who we should be. The isolated individual disconnects from opportunities to refine his character. So next time you are wondering why you are so snarky, lace up and call your running buddy!

Put Your Filter On

When we bought our house seven years ago, we were excited about the pool in the backyard; however, we were less than thrilled with the green algae-infested water. The first week we ran the filter endlessly until our electric bill matched our new mortgage payment. Finally, we realized our only hope would be a new filter. Expensive but powerful, the new filter worked wonders. Soon I was floating on a raft, with a beer, calling for my pool boy husband. Having a filter was the single most important factor for enjoying our new pool. Having a filter resulted in less stress and more enjoyment. This is also true in life.

I have a big mouth. I tend to BLURT out what I am thinking at any given moment. Interrupting you to listen to me. Many times planning my response while you are still talking. Listening is the key to filtering. You can’t listen to someone unless you are listening. I am constantly working on filtering my thoughts; it is a necessity to happiness in my life—and the lives of those around me.

At work, at home, and at school I have the privilege of being with people all day long. I LOVE people. It is rare that I spend a quiet moment, alone, without talking to someone. On the phone, in person or electronically, I am in constant communication with other people. People like to talk to me, and I like to talk to them. And I have points to make—DO YOU HEAR ME??? But the points I make aren’t the points that stick. People don’t necessarily care about my opinion, what they really want is to discover their own opinion. They want to make their own decisions, understand their own thoughts, and find the answers to their own problems. You are simply the filter to helping them get there. You are not the ends, simply the means.

Next time you are talking, stop yourself long enough to listen and remember to turn your filter on.

Still Lost

I have a disability. I get lost. Were this a certified special education disability, my IEP would include an accommodation which includes personal driver to transport me everywhere. This disability has caused me numerous late appointments, frantic phone calls to my husband, and sheer frustration for anyone who drives with me. I’ve used gas station attendants, mapquest, and other people to help me navigate. For Christmas last year, my husband bought me a GPS. Am I the only person with a GPS that still gets lost? I have put in the right address but wrong city. The GPS voice (I named him “Sergio”) has told me many times, “You have reached your destination” even though I am surrounded with only corn fields. These trips have often times ended with finding a dive restaurant I would have never visited, meeting some very interesting people at truck stops, and sometimes just wasted gas.

Getting lost with a map–the story of my life.

So many people have asked me over the years, “What do you want to do?” ”What are your career aspirations?” ”Do you want to be a principal, professor, superintendent?” I answer, “I don’t know.” Not because I want to be elusive or even seem like I don’t have a plan, but really I don't know. I believe in opportunity. I believe you enjoy where you are at on the way to where you are going, even if you don’t know exactly where the end destination may be. I believe that narrowing your focus hinders you from possibilities. There are times when navigating and having a plan are necessary or nothing would get done; however, I believe those plans should be written in pencil. Thinking back over the years, I remember picking out my high school classes with my mom as she tried to help me pick a “career.” There were only two things I wanted, 1) to dress nice for work 2) be an expert. My work allows me both of these most of the time.

As I talk to people, many times they don’t know where the next move is going to take them. There is apprehension and a sense of insecurity in not knowing. My advice: the not knowing is fine as long as you are moving in a direction and taking steps to better your life, staying stagnate is the only thing that can destroy your future. Keep moving forward in your thinking, in your objectives, in your car…and you will get there…even if you don’t have a map!